Planning a Destination Wedding

John and Melinda exchanged their wedding vows on a secluded beach to the sound of the waves. Lyle and Corinne, who had met while studying in Europe, had their dream wedding on the grounds of a medieval castle. Serious schussers, Ellen and Peter opted for a winter wedding atop a snow-clad mountain followed by a ski-in lodge party. These are just a few of the many couples who decided to exchange their vows away from home. In fact, according to statistics, the number of couples who opt for destination weddings has more than doubled in four years.

All this is not to say that the traditional wedding has fallen by the wayside. In fact, tradition is very much alive at "getaway weddings". Most couples don formal wedding attire and have a traditional ceremony. Unlike an elopement, a getaway wedding is usually announced in advance, and the wedding party, while generally smaller than it would be at home, often includes friends and family. So if it's tradition you want, why get married away? Here are some of the most common reasons.

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1. Romance and uniqueness.
   This is the number one reason couples cite when opting for a destination wedding. If you think it's romantic to honeymoon in an exotic locale, imagine the thrill of getting married there!
2. Intimacy.
   For many couples, a destination wedding allows them to keep their weddings to a manageable size.
   "We both have large families, so if we married at home, our wedding would have been huge", says Roy. "We didn't want all the hoopla. We wanted our wedding to be for us - not everyone else. The best part was that during the ceremony, we were able to focus totally on each other. Later, we returned home to celebrate with our friends and families".
3. Geography.
   For couples with families and friends scattered throughout the country - or the globe - a wedding away may be a logical option. Ellen and Peter are from opposite sides of the country, and their college friends live everywhere in between.
   "It didn't make sense to have everyone fly into our new hometown for a four-hour party", says Ellen. "We decided to get married in a place everyone would want to go and could get to easily, and we turned our wedding into a four-day reunion celebration. Our families really had a chance to bond, and our college friends say ours was the best wedding".
4. Conflicts at home.
   Bill and Ashley, on the other hand, wouldn't dream of bringing guests to their wedding.
   "That's what we were getting away from", says Ashley. "We were in the middle of planning a big wedding and called it off because our families were turning it into a circus. Our families had very different ideas of what a wedding should be. Once we decided to get married away, all their expectations ended".
   
   While most couples can work through their differences, for those with an insoluble family conflict, a destination wedding can be an ideal solution. Cora and Victor come from the same hometown, and both have very religious families.
   "Unfortunately, our religions are not the same", explains Cora. "Our families were not pleased at our marrying out of our faiths. Getting married away made it easier for all of us".
5. Time and money.
   Couples who are short on time and/or money often find that combining their wedding and honeymoon is both easier and less costly, while still being very special. A number of resorts even arrange free weddings for guests who stay at least a week. Eleanor and Pete, for example, were paying for their own wedding.
   "We really couldn't afford much", says Pete. "By combining our wedding and honeymoon, we were able to have a unique wedding and an incredible honeymoon - far more than we ever thought possible!"
   
   For Jan and Tim, time was the determining factor.
   "We both have high - pressure jobs, and we kept putting off planning our wedding so we could devote the time to do it right", says Jan. "Finally, we decided that doing it right - for us - meant doing it simply and for ourselves, and letting someone else handle all the details".

Picking a place

Where is the best place for a getaway wedding? Some place that is special to both of you. It might be a mountain lodge, perhaps in New England, the Smoky Mountains or the West. Orlando, Lake Tahoe and Las Vegas also are among the popular destination wedding spots in the U.S. Many couples seek out exotic places where neither person has been before.

Outside of the continental United States, Hawaii, the Caribbean and Mexico are among the favorites for Americans. Fiji and Europe are also growing in popularity.

On the other hand, many couples want to return to a place that has special meaning in their lives. For example, Darlene and Reggie were on vacation in the British Virgin Islands when he proposed to her, and they began their wedding planning on the spot. David and Pam met on spring break in Cancún, and that's where they decided to exchange their vows. Other couples, like Bob and Jena, have followed their roots to a meaningful wedding.
"My parents are Scottish; his heritage is French. We decided to get married in Scotland, then honeymoon in England and France", explains Jena.

Planning tips

Before talking to friends and family members about your destination wedding, spend some time together discussing the type of wedding you'd like. You'll spare a lot of hurt feelings if you decide what you want before involving others in your planning. Talk about what destinations and settings appeal to you, and what type of ceremony you want (religious or secular, traditional or self-written vows, incorporating local traditions, etc.). Then, decide whom you'd like to invite, and whether you'd like a reception at your destination and/or when you return.

Unless you're planning an elaborate ceremony and celebration, a wedding abroad can be easier to plan than one at home. Many hotels in popular wedding destinations have an on-site professional planner who will handle all the details, from officiant and paperwork to flowers, wedding cake and photographer/videographer.

As you plan, keep in mind the reasons you opted for a destination wedding. Darius and Jill wanted to turn their wedding into a family reunion, but they didn't have the resources to pay for everyone to attend. With careful planning, they were able to "host" a long weekend wedding at a Caribbean resort.
"Our guests paid their own way, but by negotiating group rates on airfare and accommodations, we helped make it affordable for everyone", says Jill. "We let everyone know a year in advance, so they could budget and block out the time. Almost everyone we invited came!"

Len and Irene, on the other hand, wanted an intimate wedding.
"I guess we didn't communicate up front that we wanted to go on our own, and didn't have the heart to say no when people asked if they could come", explains Len. "We ended up with 40 people tagging along. It was fun, but not what we would have chosen".

Professional help

When marrying in a faraway locale, it's always reassuring to have someone on-site to carry out your wishes. Jane and Justin found their wedding planner right at their resort.
"Our wedding was everything we dreamed it would be, and we planned it all with just a few phone calls", says Jane. "The best thing was that our wedding was tension free".

On-site help is even more important if you have your hearts set on marrying in a country where you'll have to deal with a lot of legalities. A wedding specialist or hotel planner may even be able to cut through waiting periods and other formalities.
"We were having second thoughts about our plans to marry in Italy because of all the red tape", says Carl. "Then, we found a wedding planner who arranged everything for us - she even accompanied us on all our governmental appointments!"

Many hotels and attractions make wedding planning easy by providing excellent brochures that list wedding packages along with a "menu" of options. Those who specialize in weddings often have on-site planners who will help you create the vision you have in mind. If not, the tourist office or consulate may be able to supply you with a list of hotels and other wedding sites as well as wedding specialists.

Be sure the wedding consultant you select has adequate resources (photographers, florists, etc.) at their disposal. Make any special wishes or requests clear as early as possible. Check references, then request a written contract detailing all the services that will be provided.

Special touches

Dee and Gareth wanted an unusual wedding.
"We were looking at a honeymoon brochure from a Fijian resort and, suddenly, we knew what we wanted", says Gareth. "The groom was dressed in a grass skirt and lei; the bride was wearing a floral headpiece. It turned out to be as incredible as the picture! The resort arranged everything, and the staff was so wonderful that now we feel as though we have a Fijian family".

"The morning of the wedding, the staff decorated our wedding area with leaves and flowers. Before the ceremony, they dressed us in traditional garb. Then, I stood on the beach with two staff members, who were dressed as warriors. We heard the blast of a conch shell and the sound of oarsmen chanting. Then, a canoe bearing my wife-to-be came into view. It was all decorated with vines and flowers. Dee was carried ashore by two 'warriors' and escorted to my side as drums beat out the news of our impending marriage. Our ceremony was beautiful-in Fijian and English. After we exchanged our vows, a chorus sang for us. Then we had a traditional meke (celebration) with dancing, singing and a grand feast for all the resort guests".

A horse-drawn carriage, adorned with flowers, transported Lawrence and LaKeisha to their Bermuda wedding.
"The pictures were incredible. We stood under the arch of a moon gate which formed a perfect frame around us, with the sea in the background", says LaKeisha. "And now, our future is assured; Bermudians told us that newlyweds who walk through a moon gate together share a lifetime of good luck! We didn't take any chances. In true Bermudian tradition, we also celebrated with two wedding cakes. My cake was topped with a cedar sapling, which we later planted, to symbolize the growth of our love. Lawrence's cake was topped with a gold leaf to symbolize prosperity. We'll have to go back often to see how our 'love' is growing!"

Charlene and Henry had never been to Hawaii, but their wedding was filled with the island spirit.
"Everyone we met was excited for us and helped make our wedding day special", says Charlene. "The minister met with us the day before our wedding, then wove our hopes and feelings into the ceremony and blessed us with a Hawaiian chant. It was very moving".

In Jamaica, Craig and Allison exchanged their vows within a heart-shaped chain of hibiscus flowers laid out on a grassy knoll overlooking the sea.
"I'll never forget the sight of Craig, dressed in his tuxedo, waiting for me in that heart", says Allison. "The trade winds were tousling his hair and two of our favorite staff members were standing by his side, dressed in festive Jamaican costume, ready to be our witnesses".
The couple hadn't seen each other all day. Craig had gone diving; Allison had spent the day at the spa.
"The greatest moment was seeing her walk towards me through the garden in her gown", says Craig. "I was spellbound. I'm so glad the videographer thought of capturing it on film".

Wherever you decide to marry, you can make your wedding more special by incorporating local customs as well as special foods, music, costumes and transportation. In the Caribbean, island rhythms and flowers help provide a sense of place. In Mexico, you might be "united" by a decorative rope or necklace and entertained by a mariachi band. Ask the tourist office, your wedding planner and your officiant for ideas of local customs and culture that might enhance your wedding.

Researching regulations

Unless you have a particular resort or site in mind, start by contacting the tourist office or consulate of the places you are considering. Regulations on getting married vary from state to state within the U.S., and in some foreign countries it is impossible for non-citizens to marry. Others have tangles of red tape or require you to live in the country for months. On the other hand, many countries make getting married there as simple as getting married at home.

Making it legal

As a rule, foreign marriages are recognized as legal in the U.S. as long as you fulfill the requirements of the country in which you get married and comply with any special regulations your home state may have - especially those regarding divorce decrees, which often require a waiting period before remarriage. Please check with the attorney general's office of the state in which you reside.

Each country has its own requirements. You'll find that many countries require a certified document stating that there is no impediment to the marriage. Since there is no such document in the U.S., you may need to execute an affidavit at the U.S. embassy or consulate in the country where your marriage will occur. Some countries also require witnesses to execute affidavits saying both you and your fiancé are free to marry.

You may even be required to have translations of documents notarized by your host country's U.S. consulate in advance. You may also need to visit three or more government offices once you arrive at your destination, in order to gather all the required stamps, notarizations and papers that will allow you to obtain a marriage license. Be prepared to provide separate documentation if you're also planning a religious ceremony.

Important note for an overseas destination wedding

Here are some questions to ask when planning a wedding abroad:

• Residency.
  Can Americans legally marry in that country? Are there residency requirements? How long must you be in the country before you can marry? Can these requirements ever be waived?
• Waiting periods.
  Is there an additional waiting period between obtaining the marriage license and the actual wedding date? Can the marriage license be obtained in advance by mail? Must banns be posted? What are the specific requirements? Can this be done in advance by mail?
• Medical tests.
  Are there any blood tests or medical requirements? (These vary within the U.S. as well). Can these be done in advance or must they be performed in the country?
• Documents.
  What documents are required? Must they be translated? Notarized? Are there any documents that must be sent to the country in advance? Must you send originals of all documents? Will you need to bring a marriage license from your home state? Will you need any further governmental permissions, either in the U.S. or abroad?
• Second marriages.
  If either of you has been married before, what additional documentation will be needed? Are there waiting periods to fulfill before remarriage is permitted-either in your state or in the country in which you're getting married?
• Religious ceremonies.
  Must a civil ceremony precede a religious ceremony, or is a religious ceremony recognized as legally valid? What documentation is necessary for a religious ceremony?
• Other requirements.
  What fees, stamps, etc. are involved for the license and other documents, and when and where must these be obtained? Will you need to bring witnesses? An interpreter?

Don't be intimidated by all these questions. Keep in mind that, while you may encounter these legal tangles in some countries, many places make getting married as simple as a trip to city hall-and as exotic as your dreams.

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